I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
