Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
