Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
