Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
