He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
