He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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