time to smoke my breakfast
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
