YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
