The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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