He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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