i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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