the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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