So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
