I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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