white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
