Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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