I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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