My nipple is on Facebook.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
