Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
