After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
