i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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