Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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