I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
