My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
