Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
