I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
