upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
