you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
