His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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