Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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