Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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