I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
