I heard we made out
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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