Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
