I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
