just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just gift wrapped bread.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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