I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
