just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
