whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He? As in you personified your dick?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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