New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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