my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
