She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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