I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
