can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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