It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
