Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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