Someone shit on the floor
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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