Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
