i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
