Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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