I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
