I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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